Regarding my suggestion that the ultimate Olympic sport would be, not Ultimate, but combination mixed martial arts/swimming, commenter Jim adroitly notes:
Combination mixed martial arts-swimming already exists! Haven’t you seen any of the underwater footage from the Team Drowning competition a.k.a. Water Polo? Kinda like rugby with the added benefit of being able to use a lot of splashing water to cover up the fact that in between leg locking and nut grabbing your opponent, they’re basically water boarding each other without the benefit of a board.
Really, there’s just no response to that, except nodding sagely and giggling simultaneously.